In my Own prison

I am stuck I am alone and I am feel Like I am being punished.

Do I deserve it - Maybe or maybe I should be a free man.

The little text messages I send out to people are like My prisoner letters reaching out to others for some kind of support or outsdie view from what is going on inside my own mental prison. I feel that when even one person responds to my letters (text) that I feel so happy to talk to anyone. It makes me feel less alone , it helps me to become more free, but it only lasts a small moment and then I am back in my cell counting days and nights away. Every person who writes me I feel a connection to them , casue they want to reach out to me and not see me hurt but they cant bust me out of this cell which hurts. I wish someone would save me , call the mayor and get me released but I dont think that call will come.

I sleep alone - I am in solitary confinement. Once a free soul that could smile and laugh I have become dissolate and alone. When night time strikes the lights go out but never in my head and as the minutes tick away seemingly feeling like hours my mind wonders and goes against me trying to destroy me with every passing moment. I am fighting constantly to just shut my mind off and sleep but it doesnt happen. I feel caged and the darkness envelopes me in a void that I feel I cant get out of. I feel the void take over me and my mind joins forces with it playing me into a song of dismay and agony. This confinement is overbearing and then when I think I can not take it anymore the dawn comes and I can be a little more free, but only a little.

My food has no taste. Just like the blandness of a prison meal I dont have any joy in the food I taste , nor the drinks I drink. I dont feel enjoyment from it nor the other things I used to enjoy they have no taste(enjoyment) to them anymore. My senses feel numb to it all as I see something I know I should laugh but something else clicks in and shuts it down. I feel Like there is no major point to enjoy these thigns for its simply just a moment while I am still in the prison thus its not enjoyable as a whole thus it serves me no purpose other then to distract me from my own dispair and misery.

I count the days - I keep counting endlessly scratching at the walls of my mind , etching each day into my brain and memories. Looking back at each day not in any triumph because I am still here in this prison that holds me. The days grew to weeks, months and now I surely feel that years will soon pass by. I will feel eternity passing through me as it has been. I feel the past and present intertwine giving me memories and draping them over me like a hood and noose ready to choke me with those same memories i held dear to my heart. It holds it there not letting me breathe not allowing me to progress and all it does is stop me holding me aside and giving me no room. I black out only to find I am still in this prison. Alone again in this prison.

It is dark in this prison , it is cold in this prison, It is pain in this prison. Pain that draws on my every nerve and heart string that takes me by the hand to lead me to hell but I keep refusing so it punishes me with those memories and reminds me that there is no easy escape from this prison. It will consume me take me over , destroy me and make me its slave. I fight but it holds me down making me submit again and again. I feel like I can win but not this day, not in this prison.

Till next write