What Goes With time

There will always be time for you for me for us
We were meant to be together and alone
Empty sad but hopefully yet still
I feel lost for I am not in my home
I have given to a great point that I would break
Not knowing that it was not what was needed
It took my energy my power my tears
And yet I now seem truly defeated
Yet that is not the case nor is that a statement
I live and breathe not because of you
But Because For my life to go on
To feel The warmer Embrace of Life I have to
Your eyes hold no solution nor does it shy away
It locks on to me awaiting more tears
I apologize for this but I cant anymore
I have finally indulged and faced my fears
My heart used to pump on a blood
A blood that was just called you
But that blood poured  through my tears
And now It bumps without you
I'm sorry I was weak but
Now I become much more then just strong
Wait I take back my apology
For I have committed no more wrongs
I Have given and you have taken
I have asked and you chose to ignore
I rise up now through ashes
It is your stubbornness I abhor
The lack of feeling the lack of depth
Lack of tears for my tears , lack of a simple smile
Now I choose to walk away laughing
For now you shall feel again my style
My style of life that I now live
My way of thinking breathing and living
I have to walk away from this
My blood, My sweat , My tears I was giving
No more...No more ... No more...
Time is there for me now , I take it away
It becomes my keeper my lover
From its grasp and embrace i will not sway
My time , My time is now at this moment
To burn with a fire I thought once gone
To smile, sing , dance , rejoice
To no longer sit around playing the Pawn
I am a king in this game of Life
I am the most important piece
Without me there is no purpose to play
For all the games will now cease
I Go on I move I live I become ME
You want this time have it and believe
For all these moments I had
I will not wasting them to grieve
Rise up , Rise above it all ,
Rise against the hatred , Rise above my past
Give my all to me and my heart
Time is there , this time I will last
There was always time
There was always space
But now I'm gone from this
No longer shall any see my face
Only a true person of heart
A true person of the mind
For its all I ask of now
No hatred hearts just kind...
Let time feel the anger let it feel your rage
It can control it all , It will let you free
For this time the anger that scared others
Is not coming from me...

Roberto Gonzalez

04/29/2013

This Daylight...

Inspire me , enlighten me , breathe into me
Every ounce of love and shower me with smiles
I can beg for it but I want it naturally
It needs to come to me without fear
Nothing shines better into oblivion
More then the light of simple thoughts
A flower blooming , a child laughing ,
A babbling Brook or a shinning star
It draws me in and hugs onto my heart
It never lets me up and never let me down
I feel the warmth of the sun splash me
Across my face , across my mind , across my joy
It touches me warmly enters me
It makes me feel more then a man should
I become a demi-god with the strength of ten men
I become a champion that can not be beat
I become whole , I become light itself
I shine onto others just to see smiles
I shine to those with no hope in the Dark
I shine to those who hold on to fear
I shine for those who need this warmth too
I am light that flows naturally, Playfully, abstract
But most certainly real as I am here
My body moves without sound but a beat
Fills me and beats within me
My heart becomes so strong it holds all the pain
It hold the pain of others It holds the life of them
It gets bigger and the rocks thrown out of hate
Out of anger , out of rage , all vanish
Those Obstacles become a mere distraction
They become nothing in the dust of my light
My heart holds you , it envelopes you
It guides you to a smile that makes you warm
It makes you into something more
IT warms you touches you gently
It whispers "Let Go" and with tears flowing you embrace it
I hold you , without tension without anger
I hold you, without fear without malice
I hold you , with care with tenderness
I hold you , with purpose with comfort
We are the light we become one for a moment
We shine brighter and brighter
We give the darkness a reason to escape
We shine brighter with every passing moment
It makes us warm , we are comforted and we shine
My strength becomes yours My comfort is yours
We dance in the light but no naked eye sees us
We play among the faces of others making them smile
We outshine the sun itself
We become more than light
We become so many emotions , We are on another level
As we play and dance time holds still
It stops to look upon us and smile
It stops and wonders what its like to be happy like this
But time must move on
While we still dance , and play , and shine

Another Day...

How does one simply ignore what had happened? How does one simply never act or react to what occurs in life? Do the actions of silence speak even louder then words?

Silence is an enemy to most people. It can lead to someone being lead into being guilty of a crime they never committed, It could have saved a life, It could have started a revolution, It could even crush a heart. Silence is not golden it is instead the black darkness that binds us to negativity. Without speaking thoughts and ideas fester within out very being becoming more and more then just thoughts and Ideas and they become actions in which not only make us react but also make us retract and pull back from life from society from life, family and love itself. What does one benefit from silence? You battle within your own head a battle that cant be won for if you are in charge of your own thoughts and Ideas then you already should know the outcome of the fight inside but instead you draw now a paradox because a battle should not have been drawn if the outcome was predetermined.

I cant not say whether holding in words and feelings makes us more whole or more insane but I truly feel being honest with what occurs in life and expressing it leads to less weight and another day to live. When you held that in , your chest your heart your breathing can become different and distorted. By saying it out loud it allows for more room for the self to become better. Every now and then others may ask "how are you?" it is easier to say "Okay" and plaster a fake smile upon our face but its braver to admit and say "No, I am not" No need for any other words but simply letting it out makes others aware. Is it wrong to let others know ...maybe not because those who are friends will know to either speak up and lend a helping hand easing our burden of the situation and giving us some clarity. Perhaps they know that its best to leave you to your own devices. In either case vocalizing your position in life lends others to witness and see that you may not be okay but you recognize that you yourself are not okay. By simply rejecting and stating you are okay you may in fact trick yourself in to believing that you re okay. This may lead to a mistake - Constantly stating I am okay allows for the issue to fester and boil over into rage , anger , depression , and constant negativity.

Allow yourself to state simple things to yourself out loud

I AM NOT OKAY

I AM NOT OKAY

I AM NOT OKAY

I AM NOT OKAY

I AM NOT OKAY ....

Let it seep in and really place your mind into that situation. Once you can verbally state this out loud to YOURSELF to ADMIT to it . You have now empowered yourself to know in your head you are not okay but its okay not to be okay. You have to give yourself that time to understand that saying and admitting it will give you more clarity it will make those tears mean something instead of tricking yourself in saying  I AM OKAY ....Saying I am okay will only lead to you holding everything in silence . Shutting doors to everything around you that doesn't need to be shut in the first place. By stating what you know - You crack open one door you let in the correct method of accepting that there is a problem and that you will face it head on. With or without someone it - It doesn't matter because now you have taken a step and cracked the door open. This will allow you to stop the silence that may damage the heart , That could have started the revolution , that could have saved a life. Possibly your own.

There is no facts or truths to be told , this is all theory and thought. Thoughts I project to many because lets face it , in this world we know many people , associates, friends, family, lovers....that go through this and when you feel their silence so ever present ...and when you ask are you okay? When you hear Yes I am ....you get that nagging feeling that no they are not...but you cant poke or prod the feeling you can only ask and hope that one day when they clear their mind that when you ask ....they finally answer back

Till next write...

Just Like a Book...

During a conversation recently I stated some words that reverberated back onto me and made me feel more happy then I have been in a long time. These words were spoken straight from the hip - without thought or hesitation on my part. It struck me because I said them and it rang more true to me then anything else negative or positive that I stated before. "You have to close one chapter of a book to open up a new one..."

When you read a book sometimes you become so captivated by simple words that you intake it into your own person. You don't want to turn to the next page because the next pages could possibly taint what greatness there was in those simple words read. You stop yourself from reading the next chapter you want to be content with what it is and how it is because you feel it reached a pinnacle that it wont top ever again. Yet how does that benefit you in the slightest? How does not finishing that chapter and starting a new one help you enjoy the book as a whole . It probably wont.

Getting to that next chapter relies on you being able to take a deep breathe know that no matter what follows this at least you are moving on. You may not like what you see or what you run into but you become a stronger person by doing so in general. It will bind you and make you become a person who can have insight and thoughts and ideas that you never had before. Its difficult , its troubling but you can never say I finished that book that chapter unless you make the effort to push forward and realize it for the better that you do this.

Whether the lovers finally get together, the hero dies, the life is saved, the little engine that could does it (lol), you got to try to finish and turn that page. It may take days, weeks but turn that page and exit that chapter you were in , finish it and when you look back you feel like a better person for finally taking the courage to simply turn the page. Get to that new chapter and breathe it in take in those new words and smile. Enjoy that new feelings and air for it can be the best thing you ever feel until of course a new chapter comes along but once you close one chapter out , you realize it can become easier to get to the next one and the next and the next.

Its a tough journey through life and time when a simple chapter holds so much weight against you that you feel a bit smothered or overwhelmed by it. DONT! Feel those pages pass by you like a flow of a river and you become stone. Yes it may sting here or there but you live . One day at a time you live and enjoy and most importantly you simply smile. I believe that next chapter will actually be better then the last because with those last chapters I gained knowledge and became wiser. I learned more about myself through this book called life then I have while being ignorant and repugnant. It pushes me but I have to allow it to go and let it flow. Allow myself to become that stone , Bear any burden face any challenge and turn around and smile just a little more.

Till next write....

Smile

The Stranglehold of Technology

Take a moment if you can to analyze your surroundings ... What do you see? Probably many people but with a slight disconnection from reality or maybe no one if your a hermit. Sadly what you may see is everyone's head slightly pointing downward examining their lovely screens or tablet or whatever have you.

It's becoming slightly awkward to even see couples in restaurants texting away or checking their phone. It's weird that they don't seem to be communicating but they are in another way. They are sharing info but not in a regular way like it used to be. To me I see that when your at a date or any social gathering your their to communicate and enjoy a time together not with each others phone. We are attached to social networks so much that we stopped looking up!

When I was growing up I played outside. The trash can was my basketball hoop, tag had so many version I did them all , read light green light was awesome but ask some kids what tag is and they might think you mean a iPad game. I played with gi joe and ninja turtles . When I wanted to get in contact with someone I had to call their house and hope they were there or go outside and find someone else to be friends with. When I took a picture it was with a 35mm camera and every shot count.

Now it's sad that to keep kids quiet we stick them with a phone or tablet. I personally tell my son that he has so many toys and he should play with them as much as he can cause he will miss the day he had them. His best me pride will one from the moments he was outside making friends getting tired from playing and crashing after a good day out. It definitely won't be from a video game that will be obsolete by the next reiteration of that game. We as parents and as human beings need to disconnect our kids from technology take time to give them a book or tell them a story. I recently started telling my son stories about Peter Pan and dumbo and his eyes lit up with imagination behind them it was a great feeling! Sure he is allowed video games but not all the time and I make sure to monitor what he is playing for violence or other bad things (like those damned in app purchases that plague every game now).

Us as adults are way worse. See out kids will lose interest but we play social games , tweet , Facebook , Instagram , etc etc ! We make our phones and social Internet sites more of our lives then we make of our actual life! How many people do you know are constantly on Facebook or posting pictures on Instagram while they are out and about? Do those people interact with others or do they isolate themselves so much they become disjointed from the world? It's by no means terrible but sometimes you gotta take some time to be in the real world that other are a part of. A person I know is on Instagram plenty but she knows how to put that aside and have intelligent conversation or go outside and that's good - others make these things all they know. Here is where it turns dangerous.

If you haven't been made aware congress passed. Law that allows the government to know and go into your personal Information from any company. How is that bad? Well when 80 percent of your life is on your phone on websites well it allows them access to your life and the lives of others. That tweet might be being traced right now. That picture lets them know what your up to and where. We invest so much into technology we become part of it and we place our lives in it this we place out lives and personal info squarely on the hands of the government. It's a scary thought - think About if they wanted to find you right now - that shiny new phone becomes their gps to find you. They say its to monitor and help find criminals but how long before we become the criminals? Scary huh ? It could all be conjecture sure but maybe it isn't.

Unfortunate for us technology is everywhere and that phone you have now is thousands of times then a computer from the 90's. and it draws us in and makes us feel like wow we have so much power in our hands little did we know that it turns around and creates shackles. We analyze every tweet , picture , post , and thoughts of others. Friends , families , relationships go down in a flash from a simple post it's mind boggling. We the. Start isolating ourselves and making the Internet our security blanket and where will it lead us if divided we fall easier. We need to go back outside , put the phones down or turn them off completely and see our lives and ourselves again. We can't let these things strangle us until we die cause the moment we do is the moment we give up on life and it simply won't be worth living. Would you rather be known for that witty post you made or for something else that will last a life time for you and them and maybe others.

Till next write ... See you outside

Push Push Push

Keep going
Never end
Dont look Down
Dont even Bend
Seek to be better
Never meek
Become more
Never settle for weak
Exact your own style
Never of another
Become that of guile
Try your best lover
Give for your own good
Give to smile
Never seek attention
But do not stay on file
It is a start
Also it is new
Chances for happiness
All too few
Wake up to the day
Wake up to life
Close the door
Expel the Strife
Lead with your hand
Walk in those shoes
Understand the mind
And welcome all news
Leave the contempt
Seek the glory not fame
Achieve more with yourself
You may never be the same
Smile
Sometimes its all you have
Be brilliant
Never give less then half
Excel
Keep the wheels turning
Ignite
Keep your fire burning
Expolde
Let it be heard, Shout
Release
Finally let it out
Be born
And truly live
Be you
Life is yours ...live

4/19/2013

Happiness - Continued

Happiness -Truth of fiction Part 2:

 

 



 

We have already discussed what occurs through study , research and thoughts from the past. I wanted to continue this by discussing something I came across recently. This Idea revolved around the simple process of the VOICE that we all "have". I have some issues with this but In general I feel its a positive way to look on to being happy yet there are some flaws with this logic. The idea brought here is that we can create Energy that in turns becomes a strength for us to become better and happier. The diagram below better explains in detail what it is about:

 



 

See it derives that the ROOT and intention of words will start a process that leads into energy that becomes a self empowering tool that makes a positive aura within us . I only say aura cause of the comical way the rainbow design is used below in the last box.

Some complaints I have on this is that firstly there are those people who are Mute their entire life. So if I look at this that means someone else must say these words for me or I must Write them down over and over again to visually get a meaning and then I skip the vibration energy - Does my Visual energy have to be stronger or my thought energy to make up for the speaking part?

What about the thought of I CANT DO THAT - but in a positive way I cant become apart of this crime? - I Don't believe this is the correct path? Are we to assume that we have to clear away negative wording all together which in turn will help not bring us down or the stoppage of growth. There are times we as human being need to use these words to speak to others.  A supervisor cant evaluate someone on their poor performance and be positive about it as it gives the connotation that its okay to be bad at your job. The negative aspect I see gives a balance. As far as I feel negatives and positives mix with us and to go against them in a forcible fashion can lead to an imbalance.

NOW as far as this working. I honestly can say that I havent tested any of this out fully. I tend to keep my thoughts , ideas , and emotions to my thoughts as speaking out I CAN etc etc seems awkward in a office environment. At home I do speak to myself in a mirror and have attempted this to which the result did make me feel a little happy. It was quick and to the point. When i spoke Negative i felt negative energy come back upon me and it increased in mass like a pouncing effect. It was rather alarming as I didn't think Something so simple could occur. An example for this can be seen in responding to someones negative mood with a  negative mood as it generates more negativity.

BUT was this because these actions ring true or am I having a Placebo effect because after i saw this diagram my mind was conditioned to think in this way while speaking? See that would entail that I myself create my happiness through fooling myself like a placebo. Again all conjecture as full results would be trying this and testing it on someone who doesn't know anything on it. Simply telling someone talk positive and think positive without explaining why would help the matter and results.

In my opinion it is not a path school of thought as it can be seen to come from what most religions put out in their scriptures/lessons. Treating those how you would want to be treated. We all want to be treated fairly and with understanding and respect but we must give it as well. With that thought we all can co-exist and be happy. But there are things that will upset us and I am told by many people that it is natural to feel upset and get angry at certain things. So does my thought hold true that the negatives and positives should co-exist? Or is it a matter of simply saying and thinking it. Using the mind to control the rest of us. Mind over matter in a sense. Create with your mind and the negativity wont matter (lol).

Test it yourself and see if this rings true, I can not tell you it will work but its said for every action their is a reaction. Possibly Our Action of speaking has a reaction in our mind that comes us hearing it, transforming those words (though we can not see them) into something our brain perceives as truth. Again my first complaint stands to reason that a mute or someone who is deaf will have more trouble with this and then think more , Thinking with no vibrations doesn't allow us to put it out and take something back in much like a plan and photosynthesise.

There are issues but maybe happiness can be brought about on our own methods and ideas and words in this case.

Till Next write...

Happiness - Truth or fiction?

Many times throughout the day at my job I get told "Thank you" and "Have a nice day". Its a great thing knowing that i helped someone so much that they wish this upon me. I mean I have heard the opposite end but no where near as much as the positive end of the stick lol. Yet I look at those comments and I think. Why not have a "Nice Day"? What stops some of us as human beings from enjoying simple little thoughts and well wishes. Is happiness that difficult to obtain? Is it simply a word thrown around to label what our brains feel during a pleasurable moment?

A simple Definition of Happiness is a state of well-being and contentment or a pleasurable or satisfying experience. But see here is the issue what tells us what is Well-Being who is to tell us when we are well? Doctors I assume but we need to try to define our own well-being to ourselves. To someone like PLATO he said True happiness or achieving this happiness is “by means of virtue.”

Virtue - doing good things because YOU want to. Now ain't that a kick in the teeth. For us to have happiness we have to do things that we want for others that makes us happy. This really doesn't work to well sometimes cause we could do good things for others and then they can turn that to us and makes us feel regret which leads to anger and hate. Hate=/=happiness last I checked.

 

It seems difficult to pinpoint what exactly is the point in which we will or can get happiness. Analyzing Happiness is not that difficult. You have a cookie you are happy, you have sex you are happy, you receive a compliment you are happy. But those are instant and not lasting. You eat the cookie its gone, you fall asleep after sex(sometimes), you hear the compliment and the next minute its gone. Within Science there has been studies done and it is believed that the happiest man int he world has been found and it was a Buddhist monk:

 

Neuroscientist Richard Davidson wired up the monk's skull with 256 sensors at the University of Wisconsin as part of research on hundreds of advanced practitioners of meditation.
The scans showed that when meditating on compassion, Ricard's brain produces a level of gamma waves - those linked to consciousness, attention, learning and memory - 'never reported before in the neuroscience literature', Davidson said.
The scans also showed excessive activity in his brain's left prefrontal cortex compared to its right counterpart, giving him an abnormally large capacity for happiness and a reduced propensity towards negativity, researchers believe.


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2225634/Is-worlds-happiest-man-Brain-scans-reveal-French-monk-abnormally-large-capacity-joy-meditation.html#ixzz2Qp1Pc9oe

Through meditation and research we are able to see that happiness can be seen and actually measured. But who is to say this man is truly happy in our OWN terms?

 

I practiced Meditation for a short period of time I never could find a quite spot but hey I live in NY . That wasn't gonna happen anytime soon lol. But it seems there is a correlation between letting life flow through you and not letting it effect you. A Buddhist by design (according to the practice) seeks nothing and thus it comes to him naturally. Flow with the river and never against it you will not find what you want for you desire nothing but you will instead be approached with good things the river provides. This can be seen as true. When we seek love we may be let down , When we seek wealth we may find ourselves with no money, when we desire we open up a huge margin of disappointment that can turn around and make a flip switch on/off.

 

 

Some people want money but what they really need is piece of mind. Yes that money/cookie/sex will make you happy for now but in the long run once you tired yourself out you become very disjointed from the world sometimes leaving an emptiness that you will perceive is due to lack of money. By not wanting it so much you will run into it and have your instant happiness and then by not letting that thought /idea of instant gratification control you and letting things smoothly go you gradually will feel a better happiness. Be happy instead of rich/sexed, full- it will come and go - Happiness will last. That dollar bill in your pocket isn't gonna be the memory you look back on when your on your death bed it going to be how you felt when you actually smiled before and after that money.

 

This of course Is easy to analyze and do yet when you actually try to put this into action, it can become something of a task at hand that many aren't prepared to handle. I mean when you look at yourself can you honestly say that your happy or not? If you are then you have found a piece of mind that you need to hold on to - If not then you need to find that piece of mind - That enlightened area that allows you to not only see but venture deeper into the world of happiness that we as human being try to explore alone with others and capture. Never seek but yet let it flow. A damning conundrum for if you don't seek it how will you know it is out there or that it will ever find you - But again Doubt draws near. Put it out and draw in life draw in happiness

 

Again its all relative as my focus and facts may not apply well to your own. i am no specialist nor am I a expert. But i am a human being and I have been through a lot - Have I found happiness - In a small way yes but not like our French monk lol. But I do have a sense that one day I will capture it but for not I try not to think of it. Let it flow

 

Till next write...

 

A random post - Adding more later

I have such a Large
Vocabulary beyond your brain
I sound sophisticated saying
Sophisticated its insane
Deranged, incomprehensible,
Demented, dotty, not the same
You simply need a Thesaurus
To keep up and remain
But by now your brain mush
Compared to my mind your simply lame
We are not the same
Im supernatural
Everything you say is questionable
While mine is actually Factual
If you think you can test me
Please first test yourself
No mathematician
But you absolute zero against myself
What i carry inside me is a great force
No need for Light sabers
You can almost taste this insanity
More flavor then life savers
You Garner no respect
Simply no accolade
No you is trusting your shit
I wont drink that kool-aid

WE Finish Last

WE Toil , We work
We Slave, We try
We want Friends
We Try but Die
We give , We Give
Taking is our last
You take and Take
The die is cast
We see, We look
We examine, We Witness
WE ponder, We think
We receive Stress
WE smile, We laugh
WE are seemingly well
WE cry, We yell
We hide this well
WE Seek, We expect
But love escapes Us
WE Go back to Pondering
The ideas Rape us
We race, We expect
To at least win
WE are beaten
No credit only FIN
We turn, We regroup
We try it again
WE wear that smile
Expecting to still win
We gain, We gain
We think we finally got it
We turn to realize
The last...We are it
WE fall, We cry
We hurt , We pick up
We feel weak
We look up
We clear the tears
We wipe off the dirt off
We finish our race
We look around , we scoff
WE came in last
We know it as fact
We leave, We laugh
Our Record is intact

By Robert G. 4/17/2013

A small Piece of a short story - Read - Comments are all welcomed

Winter's Snap:

It had been a long time since I saw a bean sprout. The last time I had ever seen one was within one of our books on agriculture. It was weird seeing something so lush and beautiful being held by this man before me - I wanted to hug this man and jump for joy because being one of the survivors it was like seeing an emerald angel before me. My name is Jason Aaron and the world has changed.

It all started slowly not like the movies of instantaneous freeze over but over years it slowly occurred. Days started to seem shorter, winters colder, and summers with less warmth every other year. Even thinking about summer seems like a fairy tale land that never truly existed but in our dreams. The times spent in an air conditioned room during those blazing years seem so useless and stupid when any of us would beg for 10 degrees more now.

A lot of what happened had many people guessing. Many scientists pointed to global warming, others blamed it as a natural occurs nice of the earth, while there were those who screamed out government conspiracy every chance they could get. If the government’s goal was to fall apart, kill more than half the population on earth and nearly starve everyone, rich or poor , then their mission was accomplished with golden stars. What was created was turmoil and chaos. Everyone trying their damnedest to move south and occupy that land in earnest. Of course this led to civil wars all across the globe.

All across America brother fought brother and relatives killed each other to protect what little land they had. Those protecting their families sometimes tried to accommodate for others out of the kindest still left , others would rather see their own grandparents freeze to death right on their door step. It was maddening how uncivilized people could become through a tragedy. Those who could take up arms did and with deadly force. If you had the guns you would wind up with the power, so even though our original government failed we still had something left over those who had the guns and the scientist. Those who still wanted to protect us and save us from those who would rather just see themselves survive despite the rest of humanity .The scientist were the key to our survival, they were able to conduct research and help design new ways for us regular folk to survive.

The most threatening thing that occurred during this permanent cold snap, an oxymoron yes but it best described the occurrence, was the lack of food. With a permanent winter we lost 80 percent of crops across the globe. The remaining little that did grow was rationed as good as possible but since it was barely enough have the time people would suffer from malnutrition, their immune system would slowly fail and sickness was assured, mainly followed by death. In Essence getting sick usually meant meeting you’re making sooner rather than later. It was a necessity to stay as healthy as possible. Hunting became our best option and the wilderness still provided enough for us to eat for now. But not only had plant life suffered but so did the animal population. Those that were on the endangered list were long gone; some animals were left in their zoo cages with no damn given about their life at all. Most all birds migrated as far south they could and stayed there on permanent vacation. The biggest issue we had were bears and wolves as they were already adapted to this kind of weather but we weren't some people would go out and never return forgetting that traveling with big groups was completely necessary lest you became their new meal. Yes there were some truths in wolves not attacking people, but when food became scarce for them it would not be rare to see a pack roaming around the boundaries of our camps.

 

Another thing that occurred, or rather was agreed upon was population control. The few children that survived with us suffered a great deal and we soon learned the mortality rate for any woman giving birth and her child had decreased greatly the colder it got. We were burying too many people left and right, with the graves being smaller and smaller every time. It was too much heartache and it dealt a blow to many peoples psyche. We would then agree to slow the growth of population with any and all birth control methods. Condoms were given to married and unmarried couples alike. The warmth of a woman was always sought after by men and now it was the last luxury of warmth we had left. We all agreed that our women needed to be protected at all costs and they were more valuable than anything we had left.  Any man caught attacking or even attempting to rape a woman was dealt with swiftly. It may seem like a barbaric thing to do but when facing the notion that if we ever got through this that they are the only thing that would help us repopulate, then of course all measures were taken to take care of those who became an issue.

It was sad to see people suffering like this but it became hazardous to try to get medicine especially since most of the things we needed like that were located in the upper regions where the temperature remained well below freezing, that on top of the fact that some people chose to live like outlaws and nomads in those regions made it a downright a deadly affair. It was a wonder there were people who could even survive those temperatures but they made due somehow constructing their own shelters, finding their own food with that which was left, who knows. All we know were the stories of those that survived encounters with them. It was like a retelling of a horror story as they were hunted like animals shot at and forced to freeze to death. No one ever saw their faces just the thick white parkas with fur and their weaponry. Those foolish enough to cross their path became their game. If you had any warmth of blankets coats or even the slightest food you were targeted. Considering anyone who came across their territory was labeled as such meant all persons were targets. The only thing stopping them from taking over the last survivable land to us were the guns on our side. The only thing keeping me alive was news of hope. Hope in the hands of a scientist who discovered a way to grow food that sustained the brutality of this damned cold and could bring a better life to us. I had to first find him and bring him back down south to make sure he could probably save us all.

A poem without a title and a person without a face

Society is a Mess but Seriously
Did We Expect the best?
Seen as Number one but is that
The view of the Rest?
We Look at ourselves
As simply superior
Yet we really should recieve
A proper kick to the posterior
WE act like we have never
Had any faults
As if some of this suff isnt
something straight of the occults
As if your choice
Is always supposed to be right
But when I last looked
I beleive you may have lost your sight
Sometimes we wind up seeing
What we want to see
Instead of actually seeing
What we want to be
Settle for the simple
And never the sky
All I can do is look back
Breathe in and sigh
Achieve more , Push harder
Be strong
When did these mottos
Become so wrong
You could have become
Your own spotlight
But no your just lost
In a fight
With no other contender
Other than you
Taking hits to the head
Blocking only a Few
And now you are
Dazed and Cofused
For when help came
You refused
You may not reach
All the way to the top
But please I ask
Dont stop


Robert G. 04/16/2013

Every Blog needs a review - Evil Dead - SPOILERS!!!!!!

Yes it does come a time that A Blogger thinks he is a top Critic and wants to express themselves in a different way then most others. That their thoughts are some how superior then others

This is no different - But keep calm these are only opinions.....that are more right then yours.

Evil Dead - Now what we have here is a Remake of the original horror based Evil Dead and when I say horror based I'm saying it because There were 2 Evil Dead movies as you recall the first was very horror based and the other one was more comedy horror and of course made Bruce Campbell The awesome guy he is today....

This movie starts out well it kinda just starts out of no where with a burning and shotgun blast ...which i didnt expect cause lets face it most movies start off with something decent . This movie starts off kicking you in the guy and asking are you okay well too fuckin bad cause here comes some more!

The plot remains simple we have a young group of people at a cabin the family owns and they want to help one girl get better cause she has a drug addiction. Charming as it has some background to it instead of lets go here to this cabin and fuck ....

Things turn for the worse as some idiot decides to read from the satanic book ...First off is a book has Barbed Fuckin Wire and Human flesh on it who the fuck would open that? Let alone touch it ? Then start reading it OUT loud like a bed time story....Who the fuck reads out loud like that ? No one but we have to have someone read the shit out loud - I would have preferred they stick with the audio tape being played but whatever.

After that all Hell breaks loose - Literally lmao And well we have plenty of disturbing scenes WITH LITERALLY Gallons of blood

Its a sweet Ride once the shit starts and the brutality of some of the violence gets to a point where your just like omfg this is the definition of torture porn but it aint you feel its almost like a snuff movie cause they dont hold back any punches, or nails , or crowbars, or raping trees, or well you get the picture.

Lets break down the scoring here

Sound - The music tone and sounds are pretty well done here , we get a sense of dread and fear when things start to happen and the sounds of metal smacking flesh will run in your ears and you will cringe just a bit. which means thats good. Nothing stood out in my mind as a great theme that would make you remember the movie however. so Ima go with 3/5

Visuals - HAHA The sheer lack of CGI and the boldness of the things they tried with eh make up and blood is top notch. You do not find movies like this anymore - Let me say that again you do not see good things like this anymore. All the time we see fake Cgi bullshit that ruins movies. This get the top score 5/5

Writing - The script is decent its not the best script int he world as again nothing memorable comes to mind. Great movies always have those lines that you will remember for the rest of your life this unfortunately lacked that. 3/5

Acting - I believe that some of the things that happened here in this category were great I mean how else can you act scared or have fear in your eyes. one guy in particular gets his ass kicked , stabbed , nailed , beaten down and he wont stay the fuck down and you feel for him cause he blames himself as he was the one who read the book out loud. The others come off decent and one character I cant even remember what purpose she served other then to die and be forgettable. 4/5


This movie averages a 3.75/5 - Worth the price of admission and very enjoyable with a crowd. I recommend seeing the originals as well then seeing this to see the differences in visal effects

BTW Stay for the after credits just for Bruce. lol

Till next write

OMG DID YOU SEE THIS HAPPEN?

This will piss people off!

Any comments are welcomed

So here it goes - Today at work I ran into OMG did you see what happened in Boston and I said no ...

Well look it up and see and when I saw the bombs go off and the fuck injured people all I can think was wow that is fucked up but I didnt dwell on it

Honestly I fuckin didn't cause I got other shit on my brain then this does that make me less of a human being to some of you- YES cause I didnt cry my eyes out and weep over the loses of other people. I want to make one fact Clear ...CLEAR!!! The death of another human being is horrible. Imagine yourself in this life smiling and then BAM gone. You cant even have time to feel let alone fuckin think and your gone! Thats a sad thought alone , but then others who feel your loss it just compounds it to a greater extent that makes us feel vulnerable and sad.

CUT THE SHIT OUT ! You people didnt know these people but will post pictures on facebook like it fuckin will make a difference. Guess what it fuckin wont! All it does is spread the sadness around like a fuckin plague. In a time of things liek this we need to be stronger and not try to make other cry and tear up!

Its like the whole Like god or comment bullshit on facebook. WHO THE FUCK cares?! Does god have a facebook you morons no he is omnipresent and will know you love him no status on a computer will change that nor will this fuckin bullshit about prayer and hope and wishes for Boston....Granted if thats how you wanna cope then fine but realize that facebook isnt the fuckin place to do that . No 1 million likes will make Jesus more real to us then your status update and no amount of prayer will bring some people to coping with this loss

Let me be Frank the shit that happened before with all those kids struck me real hard. but then facts got messed up and things got re arranged and then I got mad cause no one had a straight story anymore! I saw with my own eyes a Parent joking and laughing Right before he went on camrea then start fuckin crying about his daughter . Im sorry did you gain bi-polar disorder that fuckin fast? No

Im not a huge conspiracy theorist but you gotta smell bullshit when its in the air! What happened in Boston IS SAD ! But when you look at it I bet you that facts will change people will change and things will change but shit will be sketchy and we will have have lies left and right

People getting hurt and dying is no laughing matter nor is it something to take lightly but in all honesty I pity you people

I care about others to an extent where people tell me Im too fuckin nice....I give a dollar I go the extra Mile and I exceed my limit and still smile. A lot of you dont but will Fuckin Get "Sad" over this no you will GET OVER THIS ..just like how we all get over shit that happens. Wake the Fuck up

If you didnt care now then you didnt care back then and you wont care in the future ... You will be sad nut its a simple process of mourning that frankly many of us are tired of ! I been through it plenty of fuckin times I live in Brooklyn people Die every fuckin DAY almost Im sad but I aint in mourning - WE have mother killing kids and it mourning I get over it

Shit liek 9/11 hit us all but Honestly when you wake the fuck up you realize that its just another blow we have to take and regain our lives from cause if we dont we will be victims and see ourselves as victims and then where are we??? In a state of fear and disarray ....Vulnerable and pron to bullshit

Feel sad but hold those tears damn it !

In my Own prison

I am stuck I am alone and I am feel Like I am being punished.

Do I deserve it - Maybe or maybe I should be a free man.

The little text messages I send out to people are like My prisoner letters reaching out to others for some kind of support or outsdie view from what is going on inside my own mental prison. I feel that when even one person responds to my letters (text) that I feel so happy to talk to anyone. It makes me feel less alone , it helps me to become more free, but it only lasts a small moment and then I am back in my cell counting days and nights away. Every person who writes me I feel a connection to them , casue they want to reach out to me and not see me hurt but they cant bust me out of this cell which hurts. I wish someone would save me , call the mayor and get me released but I dont think that call will come.

I sleep alone - I am in solitary confinement. Once a free soul that could smile and laugh I have become dissolate and alone. When night time strikes the lights go out but never in my head and as the minutes tick away seemingly feeling like hours my mind wonders and goes against me trying to destroy me with every passing moment. I am fighting constantly to just shut my mind off and sleep but it doesnt happen. I feel caged and the darkness envelopes me in a void that I feel I cant get out of. I feel the void take over me and my mind joins forces with it playing me into a song of dismay and agony. This confinement is overbearing and then when I think I can not take it anymore the dawn comes and I can be a little more free, but only a little.

My food has no taste. Just like the blandness of a prison meal I dont have any joy in the food I taste , nor the drinks I drink. I dont feel enjoyment from it nor the other things I used to enjoy they have no taste(enjoyment) to them anymore. My senses feel numb to it all as I see something I know I should laugh but something else clicks in and shuts it down. I feel Like there is no major point to enjoy these thigns for its simply just a moment while I am still in the prison thus its not enjoyable as a whole thus it serves me no purpose other then to distract me from my own dispair and misery.

I count the days - I keep counting endlessly scratching at the walls of my mind , etching each day into my brain and memories. Looking back at each day not in any triumph because I am still here in this prison that holds me. The days grew to weeks, months and now I surely feel that years will soon pass by. I will feel eternity passing through me as it has been. I feel the past and present intertwine giving me memories and draping them over me like a hood and noose ready to choke me with those same memories i held dear to my heart. It holds it there not letting me breathe not allowing me to progress and all it does is stop me holding me aside and giving me no room. I black out only to find I am still in this prison. Alone again in this prison.

It is dark in this prison , it is cold in this prison, It is pain in this prison. Pain that draws on my every nerve and heart string that takes me by the hand to lead me to hell but I keep refusing so it punishes me with those memories and reminds me that there is no easy escape from this prison. It will consume me take me over , destroy me and make me its slave. I fight but it holds me down making me submit again and again. I feel like I can win but not this day, not in this prison.

Till next write

Breaking down beauty

Beauty it surrounds us in many forms that make us stop and think

It itself is an art that naturally represents itself in so many forms that we sometimes don't notice it. Take a moment to analyze that and look around you. How many things did you just notice or see from a new perspective?

Different people view things beautiful in many different ways in this world. That pile of garbage may seem like art to another . A well designed car may be viewed as beautiful as much as a well played orchestra set. But where does an image of true beauty come from? Mother Nature twelfth or another source?

We have it before us everyday. We are beautiful . This can be seen as true through many art forms throughout history. Most famous paintings are depictions of people the most famous one that you can probably think of right now is the Mona Lisa. It lies both in ourselves and in nature for we are natural beings of this earth. Look at the Greeks they spent years creating statues of natural naked human beings that get viewed at as amazing best example here is Michelangelos David. True it's nudity is brought into question when on display but there is no denying the beauty of the natural naked form.

A woman in and of herself is true beauty. Naturally a woman can be enticing , sexual , amazing , breath taking and a true essence of beautiful. It arouses and for most men   Is all we need to become intimate with our partners. Look at paintings that are done by any famous or credible painter. They all or most contain that of a naked woman because in this world a woman's body is something of a holy temple. It bears our children, it keeps us awe struck , it pleases us , it inspires us , and it brings to us more definition of beauty then any other seen image known to man.

Beauty is the body which is us in our natural state of nudity. Are you pleased by your own beauty does it captivate you does it make you inspired?

Till next write

Stay beautiful

How did I get up today?

Honestly felt Like total utter shit waking up today. Let that be a lesson to people that drinking and crashing late when you have something important you have to go to in the morning like work Don't Mix as well as that margarita you liked.

After I drowned my mouth with toothpaste and brushed till my gums hurt I was able to wake up and start the day and BAM rain ....seriously Rain like come on man.

Why am I bothering to type this cause it just goes to show that sometimes it takes will just to get up some mornings drinking or not...

In the past week and a half alone I got probably an average 3-4 hours of sleep to my name. That's F'n Terrible by any standards. But its my life and I'm crashing through it one day at a time.

The worst part is knowing everyone else is sleeping soundly while you sit there , thinking , analyzing , taking apart and put back together days of your life flashing by and the who what and where of everything.

It sucks cause you assume you can figure it all out like a math equation but all you get in the end is little to no sleep, bigger problems, and more issues with tissues. To sit there and think over and over about one thing would usually drive people mad and its not that way.

I'm not mad just a little crazy . But who can be sane in this crazy world that we live in? Honestly Who isn't a little unhinged or set a stray by the moments that make life seem unbearable then livable at the next moment? Don't raise your damn hands cause you know your lying to yourself and me . I don't like being lied to but I myself have been labeled a Liar. But its a fact of life that we all lie , cheat , and steal at some point or another. No one is not without sin and before you start throwing stones how bout you smack yourself in the face with one first.

Being awake right now helps me focus on essential things that i know i have to get done as an adult, but when I look back at all these sleepless nights I realize something. Its only a problem when you keep thinking about it . Those bills wont pay themselves but you know you can pay them, so stop thinking about it. That food wont cook itself but you can /will cook it so relax. That girl or guy ain't gonna talk to you so stop. Stop thinking for one single minute and I promise it will be bliss. Ignorance is Bliss and that is the truest words ever spoken by Us as human beings.

If your ignorant to it , numb , apathetic whatever to it then you stop seeing it as a problem. There is a solution to it , its not a fuckin Rubik cube it just simply an issue when you make it one. Thus removing the issue removes the problem removes the worry removes the stress. Will you be happy probably not right away but eventually you will smile you will shine brighter and you will sleep.

Well you will I still got shit I need to think about Cause lets face it I'm crazy and I need to think about that for another moment and perhaps another thing and another and another and another and another and another .....Till i finally Crash....


Till next write.
Rob

Dont you just hate that song?

No not Justin Beiber songs and their supposedly Satanic backwards music. but yes I hate those songs too and with Gusto!

No I'm talking about those songs that people Play over and over and over every Fucking DAY!

Ugh- If I hear suit and tie one more damn time I might find Justin and strangle him with his tie for creating such a catchy damn song

It takes away from the song when its played to no end and especially from co-workers.

At the moment of typing my co-worker - A single man - is playing all of this lovey -Dubey crap at a time period where I seriously dont need that shit but Im not gonna wear my heart on my sleeve and flat out tell him Ima just post that shit on my Blog - SO HA I WIN!

There is one song i don't wanna hear and I honestly love this song

Robin Thicke - Lost Without You - Video here - www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DdCoNbbRvQ

Its romantic and Loving and the sweet sound of it can become rather calming. But not for me not now and with a jackhole playing it over and over again from his computer it becomes a nail on a chalkboard as it - Like most good songs - Brings up a cord on my heartstrings and causes me to pause and think and for that split second Im happy with that memory Im happy with that thought Im happy with that Idea and BAM its gone. It over . You cant have that back ever again.

You feel drained , exhausted , spent and emotionally pulled from left to right in a way that makes your time with that memory seem like forever but its not its a second of your life that represented something you wish could last a life time.

Its a basic mental Rape of the mind when you dwell on it this much but apparently I cant escape being forced into it . See you cant shut down the mind from things that it wants to remember and think about. You cant tell your own mind to let go of that which didnt seem so long ago. How you sang that song , who you sang it to , how they felt , how they smiled , how you held them after..........

It all falls into place like that and creates something you dont want your forced into it , into thinking about it. It plays in your head like those movies that show you all the emotional parts of two lovers lives in a matter of seconds but you feel every moment and that tear swells up in your eyes and you hold it back not wanting anyone to see, so you try to rub your eyes but now they are red and you have to fake a sneeze or act like you have itchy eyes when all you want to do is close them and grasp hold of that memory one more fuckin time....just again.

Its a great song its a lovely song that makes you want to sing and look someone in the eyes and make them smile while you try to sing the picthes correctly. To have them look at you lovingly and emotionally with eyes so perfect you feel your heart stop but only for a second just like that memory and that heart stopping is such a good thing you feel nirvana before anything else and then your heart bumps and picks up the beat so hard your chest is gong to explode but it doesn't it just keeps going and going as if you drank a fuck ton of coffee and it makes you happy and scared. Scared that this cant be real its all a dream its not real cause love cant be this strong can it? Can it make you tremble and become weak yet make you feel so strong at the same time? Create a void so strong you get sucked in and then its gone again...simply gone again.

That song is great ....I think Ill listen to it one more time - Hold back everything and Listen just one more time ....so that moment can come back to me , kiss me in the face and fly away in that one simple second. That second that I want to live in but cant but must ignore but cant but want to love but cant ....but simply cant.

I love and hate that song ... a lot.

Till next write

A Briefing on all things and some things

I have decided to best utilize some of this free time I have now generated through some unfortunate means and start what most now as a Blog. I'm new to the concept and yet I do remember having a tumblr but decided to abandon that idea all together as it seems to be cluttered with advertisements and things that don't interest me anymore.

I guess we can start with simple things such as introductions

My name is Robert H. Gonzalez and I am a 28 year old who has a career in the District attorney's Office.

This is the part Where you say "Hi Rob" .....I'll Wait.....GOOD!

Now as a 28 year old in New York and a decent job you would figure that I'd be happy well your Wrong sir

Being 28 and living in NY sucks. Do you know how much Rent is?

A Semi run down studio runs 900-1000 dollars. The average person makes minimum wage - does this seem logical to anyone? Clearly not and the best thing is Obama will try to raise minimum wage which in turn and honest truth will probably only lead to jobs being cut. Its the truth! Think about it the average job out there has bosses and people at the top making millions , do you think they want to sacrifice more money to the average Joe schmo ? Nope so to save their money they will cut thousands of jobs and if we all magically get this pay increase you will see int he paper the next day that BAM!

Living here sucks - The Subway is always redundantly crowded to no damn end and there are always , always , always somebody asking for money at every damn turn. From these "Swagged" out kids with 300 sneakers asking for a god damn swipe to others "selling" (Hustling) candy cause it will "Keep them off the streets" LMAO. So running around the subways all day is keeping you off the streets? How about you pick up a hobby that you Can do at home or volunteer somewhere that needs people? No they have to find ways to hustle for money. That's all life is in this crazy ass town of NY a giant fuckin Hustle. Think we work damn hard to earn barely enough to survive and what little money we have we use it to enjoy ourselves for that brief moment in our lives and then back to work paying bills left and fuckin right.

Bills are a bitch. If someone told me I could make a wish to be a kid again I fuckin would. Bills are everywhere. Im shocked we are not charged for breathing air (soon enough we will). Its insane how much money we as people put into bills and then we turn around with 20 bucks in our pocket. Literally. My father used to have no money to his damn name but 20 bucks that he would hand to me and say here you have fun. And I did but now I feel bad cause this was a man who did a lot with barely anything as it was. To be a kid care free and no bills was the life. Now you open your fridge and BAM no milk Well fuck you just went food shopping spending 100 bucks and coming in with 5 bags of groceries LOL on that shit! 100 bucks is 5 bags of groceries - WTF when I was a kid 100 bucks was a whole Cart of food and then some. But no it ain't like that no more!

Sigh shit used to be simple as a kid you know - You hung out with friends , played outside , played inside did your homework and got back to fun. Now its work , maybe play but you gotta hi the gym , your done with the gym , but you gotta pay that bill online, oh online don't work you gotta call, wait 1 hour finally speak to someone and oh look time to make dinner , make dinner half burn it , get in the shower and you blink its time for bed and time to repeat the process all over again! Its a true bitch of a time period we live in (us adults) Honestly College was a bitch but at least you still had time.

Time Is something I wish and pray for honestly its the new Gold of the world. Think about this Time is money , Time heals all wounds, Time is endless, Time etc etc etc.

Time is so important to some people that it controls lives , makes or breaks them , or for some reconstructs them. This time can be looked at as a source of everything needed , it ushers us into something that allows us chances, risks, love and to a worse extent hate. We treat it as something sacred and for just reasons. To some time moves at a snails pace when waiting for somebody or someone - They feel Time is endless and that it just doesn't work for them but against them. These people wind up cracking under the pressure of time and time constraints. Time for others is always so constant that something years ago can seem like only yesterday - these people are affected greatly by time as it can lead to doubt fear and misunderstanding. It scary to think on this as the more you dwell into the thought and idea of time the more you feel yourself sinking into either category.

I have plenty to speak on and so much more to talk about- Hopefully I can update this at a regular interval to entertain the masses. Its a start to gaining insight as well as gaining back sanity in an insane world.

Till next write

Robert H Gonzalez