The nothingness of negativity

What is done is done and yet you sit there with your face skewed in such a way that is draws me to think that you expected more but when I drew out more you decided to stay behind and look at me like I was something utterly unnecessary. As if my existence was a stain on the life you now live and glorify. Well with a swift and heavy heart all I can do is choose to exit. Exit out of this hardship and disrespect, of this constant looking down at me from a pedestal that I created. I choose to knock down that pedestal for it has instilled upon you something that I never wanted. I look with dry eyes at the person who I reached out to in the cold lonely nights and all I see is me being a fool. A fool who is tired of being spurned left and right, a fool who was simply there in your eyes to entertain and make to look stupid while you claim your victory over me. My, how this fool has now grown into his own king for I peek at my essence and realize that you were not that of which created it yet you now mock it. A king is what I feel I am and have become not because of you but yet instead through you. In explanation I simply have grown to understand this and life has grown brighter. The nights are not as cold and the life I lead now has become for me. These memories sometimes travel back, flashes of smiles, hugs, and happiness. I push them out my mind for they are no longer needed by me to move me. I don’t push them out to be cruel but to know that they are simply memories and the more I hold on the more I punish myself. The more anger can seep in letting me know that I have taken a wrong turn and that path is now closed to me forever. Why torment myself with this when I can keep going down my path now, hope for a new sunrise and smile. I say this to not only gain insight or convince myself but because it’s all I can do to stay down the positive road I have before me. My positive actions, my positive thoughts, my positive attitude, my positive life will not be tarnished before it gets a full chance to blossom into something glorious and worth life. I haven’t gone this far to become mere cannon fodder to the slings of doubt, hate, and ridicule. You demand I dance like a maniacal puppet master yet I have chosen to cut strings , each one bringing me closer to who I am and bringer me to a center of peace that I have needed to be within since I became a grown man. Life does not stop because of you, even though I used to think that my life was better with you. I would think that my time with you would stop time and make the gods jealous for I was with a goddess one of their own, even though you are a goddess I realize that my time has come and gone and time did not stop. It did not even slow down for me or for us, it sped up and left us to fend for ourselves; and now you have seemingly left me to fend for myself. I have to be left and push aside to grow and that I have done in spades. My anger used to become my hallmark yet now it’s not even a footnote in my life. Understand this is no love letter of independence but a stance on growth appreciation and truth. These are the factors that guide me into a path that I may at times steer in a wrongful direction slightly but never a complete 180 as it has made me feel better made my life feel more invigorating. It used to be provided by you in so many ways that my dry eyes become slightly watery but I can’t allow me to be a slave to those emotions, yet maybe in a faithful blessed day of life love honesty and respect you can become that to me and I that to you . A shining light in a row of dark ominous clouds , a drop of water to a parched desert , a kiss for a worn torn lover … who knows the future is not certain but I refuse it to be bleak. I refuse it for that negative connotation steers me wrongly and I don’t need that within me …not now…not ever again.